Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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