im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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