i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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