Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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