I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
