it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
