so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
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I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
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We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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