It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
