I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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