dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize