Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
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