i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
