Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
pray to the hookup gods
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
