I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
