DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
