I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
