im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
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