I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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