TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
this is an emotional support booty call
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
