you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
