Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
