Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
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there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
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wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...