Texts From Last Night

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  (810): View more from Michigan

  I must be too annoying 4 u.

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  (810): I must be too annoying 4 u. http://tfl.nu/bqrs
  Replies (7) Good night (939) Bad night (2443)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...

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  (410): To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor... http://tfl.nu/oppe
  Replies (3) Good night (1025) Bad night (440)
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...

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  (918): She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger... http://tfl.nu/dhcq
  Replies (6) Good night (529) Bad night (3258)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."

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  (201): At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure." http://tfl.nu/vpnd
  Replies (42) Good night (6030) Bad night (736)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.

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  (850): I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized. http://tfl.nu/cbfh
  Replies (11) Good night (4999) Bad night (900)
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  (315): View more from New York

  I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.

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  (315): I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse. http://tfl.nu/tyw2
  Replies (16) Good night (757) Bad night (4798)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.

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  (360): Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised. http://tfl.nu/xha6
  Replies (45) Good night (1942) Bad night (3874)
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.

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  (780): Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks. http://tfl.nu/2lc5
  Replies (11) Good night (6604) Bad night (1106)
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  (561): View more from Florida

  Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.

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  (561): Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN. http://tfl.nu/5n63
  Replies (12) Good night (2600) Bad night (1127)
• Favorite

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  At least you have booty calls.

  (1-901): View more from Tennessee

  True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china

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  (901): At least you have booty calls. (1-901): True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china http://tfl.nu/6dg2
  Replies (7) Good night (1505) Bad night (526)
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  (416): View more from Toronto

  Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party

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  (416): Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party http://tfl.nu/rykd
  Replies (4) Good night (1243) Bad night (462)
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  (276): View more from Virginia

  That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.

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  (276): That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go. http://tfl.nu/61yn
  Replies (3) Good night (421) Bad night (1264)
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  "Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.

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  (913): "Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol. http://tfl.nu/3cka
  Replies (6) Good night (1207) Bad night (424)
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace

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  (805): I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace http://tfl.nu/uk2m
  Replies (8) Good night (901) Bad night (278)
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.

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  (678): I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated. http://tfl.nu/ulsy
  Replies (3) Good night (485) Bad night (686)

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