I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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