After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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