my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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