I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
