I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
