Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
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