it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
