Who wears a wallet chain?!
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
