i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
