38 yer olds are good kisserssss
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
