Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
