I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
