My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
