Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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