have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
