I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
