I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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