When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
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They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
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He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I have tasted many bathrooms
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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