yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
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I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
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