Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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