i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
