so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
