i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
