The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
