If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
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