I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
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He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
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She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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