I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize
