Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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