You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
