a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Randomize
