I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
