This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
