what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
