Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
