I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
