Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
