No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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