I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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