Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize
