my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
