I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
