He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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