When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
my being single is dangerous.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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