you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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