I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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