what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
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