Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Randomize
