she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
