theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
