found the other keg... it's in the tree
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
