butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Randomize
