If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Randomize
