I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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