Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
