I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
my liver is dry heaving
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
