I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
