be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
