Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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