but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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