Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
