I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
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We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
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Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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