they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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