haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
