Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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