How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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