after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
